Well I tried to post my video but blogger was taking too long so I got impatient and just decided to write this one.
I've realized that most distress in my life comes from the fact that I can't say no. Like as if I'm afraid of disappointing, I can't say no, which probably makes me so indecisive. In fact, I'm very opinionated and know exactly what I want, it's just that I have a problem saying it. That's why I get myself in situations I don't want to be in and relationships that I don't want to have. So in an attempt to change my life, I'm gonna start saying no more often to things that I don't want in life. Goodbye to friendships not worth salvaging, No to guys I don't wanna be involved with...and No to "things" I don't want to do lol
This change of heart could come from the fact that I'm turning 21 in a few days and just feel like I'm too old for some of the shit I put up with. I deserve to be happy, I deserve loyal friends, I deserve a break. I've gone through a lot in my life that fortunate people just won't understand. Maybe that makes me the cynical person I am. But if you know anything about me, then you should understand why I make some of the decisions I make.
Recently, Someone told me that she thought it it saddened her when she saw how much I depend on romance...I think it's time for me just to speak for the sake of clearing some things up. It's not that I depend on romance. It's that I long for unconditional love like everyone else. It's a longing for a companionship that I crave...the physical comes later. I grew up in a broken home with complications. I don't know what stability is...It's hard for someone who grew up with a model relationship played out in front of them with the marriage of their parents to understand this. Understand this about me: I have done everything right in my life through many hardships that most will not have to deal with. You may think whatever you want about me and the decisions I make, but I'm done with the regret. I do feel that I am a good person and no longer will I let the words or feelings of other people bring me down (Thanks Andy :)) I also refuse to settle with any old guy for a few kind words. I'm gonna require a little more than that because I'm worth more than just being nice to me (Thanks again Andy lol)
I guess what I'm saying is another year older, another year wiser. Still working on the autobiography lol
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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