It's funny how fate works...you never know why things happen to you or why certain people come in and out your life. You develop certain relationships with people and you move on with your life and you think those relationships becomes a figment of your past. And then bam, there goes fate again and it pulls you back together somehow and in ways you might not have ever thought. Who knew that a birthday call would transpire into what seems to be blossoming now. Fate. I thought this was just one of those things of the past. Little did I know that we had unfinished business. Little did I know I would still feel this way. It's funny how we could just pick up where we left off after not speaking to one another for so long. It's funny how it always seemed to be wrong timing with us. 4 years of this back and forth, this wrong timing. It's funny how I thought you were taken for good. It's funny how now that we're both in a new place in our lives, you're not with her anymore. At this time last year, you were talking of marriage and now you're just somehow conveniently unattached. Ha fate, you're funny. Is it finally truly our time to let this thing run it's course? With no more distractions...no other people...just...us?
A smile to myself because I know you'll never read this. But as long as I have known you, I feel more for you than I ever had before. And I honestly can't tell you a reason why since we just started again this week (lol). I feel a type of feeling for you that I think I've only experienced one other time in my life with another and it was so long ago, I'm having trouble recognizing it. But from what I can articulate, it must be the closest thing to what unconditional love is. Which is very funny to feel this way after only talking for a week, but hey, crazier things have happened right? You might think I'm falling hard...fast. But I think I took the jump a long time ago and have been falling ever since. Falling at a constant speed all these years that sometimes I forgot I was even moving. But as fate would have it, here we are again and I've finally touched the ground from my arduous decent made what seems like a lifetime ago. I think this is the first time that I'm scared of the feeling. Genuinely scared because it feels so foreign to me to feel so safe with another. You know every darkest secret that I've hidden away. You know about every nuance that makes me me. And only you could peel back the layers ever so delicately and carefully to reveal the real me.
I know we joke with each other all the time and throw the l word around as if it were just a greeting we say to everyone, but I can honestly say that you were the one that always had my love. you've always had my heart, whether i realized it or you realized it. It's funny how fate can illuminate your deepest feelings by throwing someone back into your life unexpectedly. It's also funny how I feel afraid to even type that little 4 letter word on here for fear of jinxing it. It's laughable because I know you will never read this. And what's even more alarming is that no matter how hard I'm trying to refrain from writing that 4 letter word, I know in my heart of hearts that I feel that way.
Things seem to be going in slow motion yet the feelings are happening so fast, I get a bit dizzy. It's sad that we still have "circumstances" that keep us dancing in our familiar space of limbo, twirling and gliding to a full moon. And I know I could never replace the lost you feel in your heart from her absence. But do you believe that things happen for a reason? What's our reason? Do we dare play with fate?
Hypothetically, what if you met your soulmate today? Would you fight the feeling for the sake of trying to be "ok" or would you dare to take the risk to potential happiness?
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.
