The dredded L word...

So my cousin is getting married this weekend so naturally I've been thinking about relationships and love and all that good stuff...Ha ha my friend's boyfriend tried to hook me up with one of his friends recently. Not only is he a frat boy, (and a Q at that!) which I just hate, but he's like close to 30 and looks like he's 35. *sighs* What can you do? All my friends have boyfriends so in turn when we hang out, I become third wheel. What I really want more than anything is to have someone who is my friend first and my lover second. The physical should just be a bonus.

And another thing I just need to vent about...why are some people off limits?! I don't mean ppl who are in relationships, but single ppl that you're not supposed to talk to you cause your boy/girl talked to them years ago. Like why do you need to ask my ex of 3 years ago if you can take me out...ask if you have permission. Excuse me!? Am I a piece of property? Hello! He is my ex...he has no claim over me and it was 3 years ago! It's like if you are someone's ex, (esp if the ex has a new boo!) why are we still attached to that person forever? That sends a message that once we date someone, we're never allowed to move on with our lives. It makes me so angry that people get so offended if you end up liking someone they talked to. We can't switch on and off our feelings...it happens. And no I don't feel like explaining what this blog stems from so don't ask. Period. Ok I' m done venting lol

Anyways I'm bout to bonce out of New Orleans soon so who knows how many times I'll be able to blog cause I'm pretty sure they have limited technology where I'm going...My brother's lifestyle is country living so we'll see.

Supposed to be going out for drinks with my brother, his wife, and my no good sister tonight...Wedding on sat day and night...Goin to a bday party sat that I'm a lil nervous for...eventful weekend.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh...why me?

*Sighs* Why can't I be the girlfriend? I feel like my life's motto is "Always the mistress, never the wife." Not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm fairly attracted, with a good personality. I'm loyal and faithful....I can be one of the guys, drink a beer and watch some football...or be the girly girl, dress and heels with me all dolled up. You can take me home to moms and the family, or let "Darling Nikki" run wild behind closed doors lol. I do acknowledge that past mistakes have led me to the predicament I'm in. I got my heart broken REALLY badly years ago and for a while, "Darling Nikki" went on a rampage devouring any guy that would give me the time of day. Now that I've grown up, old flings still expect the mistress when I'm ready to settle down. Shit, half my friends have babies and/or married. While I'm not looking for the wedding or kids right now, I am looking for something steady. I just makes me angry to still be getting messages from guys who want nothing more from me then to get into my pants. I'm about to graduate from college. Enough is enough. I don't want to play games anymore. Like India Arie said, "I am ready for love."

I'd love to start going on dates. I mean real dates. The kind where I get dressed up, and the guy comes to pick me up and we go to dinner somewhere and have casual conversation, I get dropped off, maybe there's a kiss at the end (lol) and then if all goes well, there's date number two. I mean doesn't that still happen or am I still living in a movie?

It's been 3 years, but I still miss Delvin. Am I doing something wrong here?

Here we go again...Boys.

Well all of the friends are gone now so my days now consist of sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing because a. no one to hang out with and b. I'm broke as the fuck. That's what I get for not having a job...

On another note, something else has provoked me to write this blog. I got the first txt last night...the txts that seem to come every summer when I get home...asking for...*sighs* sex. That is what my love life has resulted too. Old flings using me as their personal booty calls. I find myself checking up on old loves and seeing whats going on with them. Most of them have new gfs that theyre happy with or others are just content being single doin their thang. Lately I've been frequenting this one guy in particular. Pride won't let me say anything to him because I was made a fool, and I can honestly say it's still a bit hard to swallow. Not because this is the first time this has happened to me, but this is the first time that I had no idea it was coming. Usually I have the upper hand and in that situation I did not. Perhaps thats why all that mess followed. Well anyways I don't know what it is but I find myself secretly interested still in what hes doing, which is strange cause at the time, I basically convinced myself that he was something easily dropped. Well for some reason unknown to me, he decided to apologize publicly. I'm not the type to hold grudges so he was forgiven a long time ago. But what I can't seem to stop thinking about, and perhaps this is why i still feel the urge to see what he's up to, is how unfortunate the whole thing was because we actually did have a lot in common and there actually was potential for something real and long term. But God has a funny way of playing games with me and I guess this was one of them, so I guess I'll never know what was to become of us. Tragic.

Well, back to being a couch potato. 2 week countdown until I'm in New Mexico til July. Maybe the change of scenery will do me some good. HA, The bride just called and asked me if I was bringing a date to the wedding...God, youre a comedian.

Home Sweet Home...

So I'm finally back at home, thank god! Just chillin now not doing much. Had a great week with my friend which included hopping over a fence to go illegal swimming, Phase 10 games til 5 am, not-so-scary movie nights, and of course ending with visits to IHOP and Waffle House. I'm so glad that things bounced back to the way they were. As much as I want love, boys cause way too much trouble.

My brother's coming in a week and I'm sooo excited! I love him to death and can't wait to leave to spend time with him in NM. My mood is much happier than it was a couple weeks ago, lost 10 pounds, and starting to have fun again :)

The Finish Line...

So I'm sitting at the computer lab about to fall my ass asleep. I should be takin a nap in my own bed right now but I'm so fucking lazy and do not feel like all the way up the hill to my apartment 15 min away. So I guess a part of me is sticking around hoping to find a ride somehow or waiting till I absolutely have to walk home.

5 more essays and I am absolutely finished! I got all night and all day tomorrow to write them. If I just stay focused, I think I can get it all done. Then I'm outta here on Sat back to the dirty south where I belong! Oh, how I've missed it so.

They have a DRAKE concert on Sat when I get home that I'm trying to go to! I been on his shit hard for 2 weeks now...I basically got his mixtape memorized. So we'll see if I can make it. Well I can't stand it anymore...I'm fallin asleep so I guess I better start walking... ugh.