Death is always knocking at my door...

This will be week #3 that I've been gravely ill. After two trips to the E.R., all signs still say Costochondritis. However the last ER trip should an irregular EKG. Doctor says that the EKG says Ischemia- Heart Disease. Dear God. Have to see a Cardiologist tomorrow to see if that is the case. If it is, that would explain all the chest pain and everything I'm going through, would deny Costochondritis but would confirm the more grave diagnosis and Ischemia Heart Disease. There's always something wrong. Even when I try to do right by my health, something's always wrong. Wish I could trade this body in for a new one.

I guess it would be right if I had a heart disease. My heart has gone through so much stuff it wouldnt surprise me if something was wrong with my actual heart. That would teach me not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Ha. Actually No, it's not even funny to me. This is just depressing and I wish someone could fix me.

Enough for now. Don't feel like writing anymore, or doing anything at this point for that matter.

New Year, New Pain

Well 2010 ended the way the whole year has been, full of pain. Thanksgiving in the hospital, uneventful Christmas, and of course debilitating  neuropathy and stomach pains on New Years Eve. 2010 has been quite a doosy, However, I survived--barely. Now I'm starting off the new year in pain. Physical pain that is, which is far less severe than the emotional pain I went through last year. Physical pain I can handle. It's like a little physical reminder saying, "hey you're not dead yet!" Off to yet another doctor's visit on the 23rd to see what the hell is wrong this time. At least I know that this time, unlike many of the other times, it's not my fault. I've been checking my blood sugars regularly, eating how I should, etc. My hypochondriac in me says that what I'm experiencing maybe Fibromyalgia, which is incurable. Whomp whomp. So who knows...I guess I'll find out soon. Until then I've just been coping, being sedated pretty much 24/7 to just make it through the day.

Alot of people have new year resolutions and things they want to do different in the new year. Well I dont have any resolutions because I think I am the way I want to be ever year. I will continue to do the things I need to do to keep my health in order...and that means to continue to get rid of the toxins: toxic food, relationships, people in general.  I need to be healthy physically and mentally. I made a good change in my life in the last part of 2010 and I will continue to do so. Lets see what happens in 2011.