Missing Something...

So I guess I'll start this one off with explaining how I injured myself. I slipped on some grease in the kitchen at work, landed on my tailbone, hit my head, and screwed up my wrists pretty badly. I guess being hurt is what kicked this whole thought process off. I had to take care of myself and nurse myself back to health alone. And that's when I realized how lonely I actually am. I have everything I could want at this point...a job, a car, friends, money...the only thing I'm missing is someone to share it with. Yeah yeah yeah everyone always says you gotta find happiness within yourself. Well guess what, those same people who say that are the ones that either have someone already, or lying to themselves as well because they know if they didnt have anyone, they would being in the same position I'm in now. I mean let's be honest people. Who wouldnt want someone who is their best friend that they can also be intimate with? It's what I crave more than ANYTHING at this point. To say I've been fucked over many times is an understatement. It's happened so many times now that I expect it; it's the norm.

More and more of my friends are getting married, and having kids that I'm sort of jealous. All my life has been so focused on my career and acting that I kind of miss what non-creative people have. Like how would my life have turned out if I did normal shit and was like an english major or going into law? Sometimes I wish I was just normal. I'm not being cocky when I say I'm talented. I acknowledge that I can do things that others can't and I'm very intelligent. But sometimes I wish I really was average. It would be so much easier to find someone compatible. And that's the biggest problem. When you strive for greatness, and you reach it, it's hard to find someone who has done the same.

It's lonely at the top.

*sighs* To wait at the top or step down to join the common man to have a companion?

Just keep swimming just keep swimming...

*sighs* Theres no better feeling than when things just fall into place. I know in my last post I was talking a lot about progress. Well i finally got my car. Yay me! It's a 2004 white Toyota camry. It's taking a lil while to get use to driving a midsize Sedan because all I ever driven were small cars.

In other news, my birthday is next Wednesday but were all gonna get some good grub at acme oyster house. Another year goes by and more lessons learned. I swear I am one wise 22 year old (sometimes a wise ass) lol one thing that i notice is every year it's always the same faces sitting around my birthday table. Although I don't always talk to these ppl everyday, these are my "old faithfuls" and I suppose they are the closest things that I have to friends.

My job is still pretty cool. Getting paid good money for doing practically nothing. And i'm meeting potential suitors to go on dates with. Met this cute retired army guy the other day who asked for my number. It's bitter sweet. Somedays I feel like the job is not conducive to trying to repair my self image and self esteem because I have to look "fuckable" but it's all worth it when a customer tells you how beautiful you are. So I guess the ends justify the means. Oh well now I'm just rambling.

Goals: -Cali by may 2011
-Pocket Beagle by 2013
-Bf/Husband by 2015

Ahh Sweet Success!

Life feels so good when you are actually making progress towards something...

1. THE JOB: I love my job. I feel like I work in a circus filled with characters. It's a lot like theater actually, only the script keeps changing. More like Improvisation. First off, money; money really does make the world go round it feels great to take home a BIG OL WAD OF CASH home everyday after work just in my tips from bartending. It's great! And since I'm such a homebody, I'm saving it all so it's nice to feel somewhat financially secure stable for right now until I really have to start paying bills.

2. HOME LIFE AFTER COLLEGE: Actually, I think it's gonna be ok at my dad's. I had a heart to heart with him a couple weeks ago and we ironed out some issues and talked about pet peeves. I think just once we become more familiar with each other again, it'll be fine.

3.MY CAR!!!!!!: UGH! I cannot tell you how long I've waited to get a car of my own. A lot of people and my friends take for granted the fact that they have cars. It's really hard when your parents don't make much money and the rest of the money they do make goes to monthly medical bills for me. I've waited for this for about 7 years now and if the "little birdie" is right, I might have it by next week! YAY!

4.ME: This is probably the most important move towards progress. I'm really trying to get myself physically healthy. What I'm doing to my body is hard on my heart and other organs so I really need to get it under control to save long term damage. But vanity is an ugly bitch that's hard to tackle.
****POSITIVES******
I am however at peace and really quite happy lately; and I'm happy just being with myself. Before I put to much trust in other things to make me happy: parents, family, friends, boyfriends, etc. But for the first time I think I'm getting back to being happy with just me, myself, and I.

So I say so far, my progress report is an A+ in the right direction and I will continue to stride content with myself, my car (fingers crossed), and my MOOLAH BITCHES! haha :)