Eclipse

Me and JAcob had quite a laugh over dinner today about the whole "edward" "Jacob" thing of. Y past. I am so team Bella at this point in my life. All about focusing on what I need in my life. I'm tired of running after guys and planning my life around them. Especially cold blooded ones. I need a guy whose warm and cuddly with me. We tried to go see the movie tonight but it was sold out. I guess we'll try again tomorrow

Roll with the punches...

So this week I've been feeling a bit weird because I've been trying to get my life in order. I've decided to get healthy: physically and emotionally. That means actually taking care of acknowledging and addressing the fact that I have a disease that needs to be managed for me to live. It's gonna be a challenge for me because my career and even my current job requires me to look "attractive" (whatever that means) and getting healthy means my bodys going to change. Hopefully I won't have to live in a state of dehydration. That also means gaining weight...something which is already happening. It isn't pleasant or fun carrying around extra weight cause it's tiring...and of course the whole not fitting in your clothes and constant critique by family isn't great either. It's been a real test to my self esteem.

Emotionally, I'm doing alright. I'm enjoying the new responsibilities I have at work. It's kinda stressful but it's good stress...makes me feel like I'm actually working towards something and not just working. Limited friends these days but for a good reason. Let's just say that i'm more selective of the friends I keep in my inner circle. I'm too young to carry resentment and work on old soiled friendships when I can create new exciting ones. Some you should keep like Mr. Simmons or how I like to call him "old faithful" lol or Miss Teamers whose my "now and later" because we can either talk now or way later and we'd still pick up where we left off. But I'm excited about the new people I've met so far at work and the promise of more great connections to come. Especially when I eventually move to California! It's gonna be joyous...nice weather, new city, NEW people. it's gonna be great.

I just have to remind myself to keep looking forward and never look back. My past has too many pockets of darkness I can dwell in. I must remember that the last person to fuck me over will not be the last. I must remember that not all people have open hearts or tell the truth. I have to accept that not everyone has their shit together like I may have. And most importantly I must allow those kind good natured people into my life to be cherished.

Got a lot of shit to work on/sort out/let go, but that's just life post grad.

Starting Over

So it's been about three weeks now since Ive moved back home and it's been very interesting so far. I've moved in with my father which has been a little rough with tons of tears and headaches. We just have to get used to one another. Also I got a job in the quarter working for my sister within the first week of moving home. I get paid pretty well for doing virtually nothing and I'm meeting interesting people in the process. It's also building up my self esteem with all the compliments I get :) I'll get my swag back sooner or later. I deserve to feel good about myself because I'm a good and attractive person. I can't wait to finally find my companion that will be honest and give unconditional love. Maybe I'll find him working at this job. Lol. It also helps that I get to work with a reliable friend everyday (that's a bonus).

Adulthood is daunting but I'm trying to get a grip. So far I don't have any bills to pay but I'm on my grind like I do. Maybe that's a good thing so when they do start ti come it won't be that big of a thing. Can't believe that college is over and I'll never be in school again. I think I actually miss the ability to sit in a class and gain knowledge in a certain subject. Don't get me wrong, I hated writing the papers but I miss the discussions.

Oh well, time to start a new chapter in life. Back in New Orleans, new job, new friends, new experiences. So is the life of D.