Be Complaisant not Complacent.

I'm convinced that complacency is the killer of all relationships. If you look at the divorce rate in America, you gotta wonder why it all went downhill. In the beginnings of relationships/marriages, there's always that infatuation stage or the "newlywed" stage where each partner is complaisant (willing to please) and everything is mushy gushy and that's where the pet names come in and the non stop cooing in each other's faces. Slowly over time each partner becomes somewhat complacent, thinking that they've done enough to secure their partner in the relationship. The cooing stops, the pet names drop, and "i love you" because less meaningful and more like a salutation. Next thing you know bickering starts happening because you each try to tell the other that they've become complacent, which is just a fight pleading for the other to show more affection. But in an effort not to fight, you learn to settle. This is where the death of the relationship starts to happenBecause now you just learn to tolerate each other for the sake of the marriage/dog/children, whatever. And once you've hit that point, you might as well pull out the divorce papers because it's not gonna get any better. Resentments have already start to build at this point and there's pretty much nothing you can do (though there are always exceptions to the rules like couples who go through intense therapy).

I'm trying really hard not to become complacent, and stay complaisant. It's so hard to do this long distance. There's only 34 more days left until I'm home but things have gotten so rocky lately, I feel like I'm losing my grip on things. Things have been geared towards the future for so long that I feel like we're not focusing on the present. And if we lose the present, there will be no future. I feel lost and helpless at this point. I want my love back. We've been through so much to become complacent. He needs to know that everyday he brings sunshine to my life. He needs to know that he's the best part of my day. He needs to know that I love him with every fiber of my being. He needs to hear these things from me everyday. I know I'm not one for expressing my emotions very well, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him around. I encourage every one that has a significant other, to embrace the small things in life that makes your partner happy, whether that be flowers, a note left on the dresser before work, a txt message, a kiss on the forehead, etc. Be complaisant not Complacent.

-D.