The End of Another College Year...

When I think back to when I was a freshman, I feel as though I have grown so much since I was that naive 18 year old far away from home. Now that I'm going to be a senior, I can't really say that the college years were the best years of my life, but definitely the most eye opening. If I could express what I've learned in those years in bullet form, it might look something like this:

• I am far more sensitive than I ever thought. For the longest, I had convinced myself and tried to convince others that I was a rock. It was my defense mechanism to try to save myself from hurt. Well after 3 years, I couldn't carry my shield anymore; it became too heavy. Now, I cry more than ever and carry my heart on my sleeve.
• Heartache doesn't get any easier, it just becomes more frustrating. I tried to pin it on the fact that perhaps I was young and stupid and too easy to fall in and out of lust/love. But no matter my age, I am too easy to open my heart. Unfortunately, I can't change that. And as long as boys suck and my taste in guys changes little, I'll probably continue to be hurt.
• I can't be alone. I am a person who cherishes my privacy and my alone time. But 24/7 alone time is just lonely. And I just can't survive without at least ONE person to depend on. I've had to depend on myself far too long that my burden is just a little too heavy for me to carry without a push now and then from a friend. I'm not asking for thousands, but just one trustworthy friend who I know will never put me in a position to be hurt.
• Maybe I should restore some faith in a higher power. I will never be the church going type but occasionally maybe I should have a conversation with the sky, the stars, the moon, with someone up way up there. If there are such things as miracles, maybe the powers that be might be incline to grant a couple to me to help ease some things for me. No harm in trying.

I guess I should finally address what my blog title means. For all of you who don't know what an Anuptaphobe is, it's someone who fears being single or marrying the wrong person. I know I know, you didnt know there was a phobia for that right? Let's just say that I have a fragile heart and very nervous to give it away again...