The End

Ugh it's 6 am so if I'm writing a blog, clearly there's a point. Well let me start with saying R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

All this time that I've had my fingers crossed, I'm done wishing and hoping. "If it was supposed to happen, it would have happened already" and even if I don't agree with the reasoning, that's a situation that's not meant for me to tackle. I can only deal with what's right in front of me. And when your love is being described as "wrong," or somehow made to feel dirty and tarnished, it's time to leave. So regardless of the final resolution, I'm pulling myself out. If I have to be referred to in your mind as "the one that got away," I can live with that. But I will not be used as a cause for nightmares and "signs" from God and all that. I'm not religious but I know that I'm not wicked or "wrong." And if that's what I make you think of, well then I can't live with that.

I want a love that would put u in a car and drive to me. I want a love that will make you do crazy spontaneous things. That's what I WANT. That's what I GIVE. I want a love so deep that everytime we look at each other, we see fireworks in each other's eyes. I wanna cry and BATTLE for you. I want to fight for you and I would happily if I knew you would do the same. Love is Bravery. You can't be a coward, can't be worried about what friends you would lose, who would be upset. Cause you would know that none of that stuff would ever matter if you had the one you loved by your side to make up for the friends you would lose in battle, be there to take on the brunt of angry emotion from whoever felt wronged. It's like the Musiq Soulchild song, "It's just you and me against the world." But if someone isn't in it all the way, I guess these simple "lover's demands" could seem overwhelming.

And that's why I'm stepping down. Will there be sacrafices? You bet. Will there be some awkward moments? Guarenteed. If I have to tell little white lies to keep the peace, I will. Cause that's what you do when you don't get your happiness. You let it go for someone else to have it. And like a soldier, I will keep on. Diabetes, Katrina, Financial Matters...we can just tag Love onto the end of the list. The boulder gets bigger, but I'll keep pushing it up that damn hill until one day another set of hands will come and either push with me or be so strong it just throws that fucking boulder off the hill (wouldnt that be nice? :) especially if he was a prince) But until then, love its knocks you down....you get back up and it knocks you down again. So this was round 12. I put up a good fight but I've been knocked out. Time to train my heart to go through it again with a new opponent. I might be training for a while though.

And here's another ending to another raw entry.Take what you will.