It's all downhill...again.

Today I had an anxiety attack. A bad directing class triggered it and when thinking about the actual event that took place, it's not that monumental of an event. But because of the week I've been having...the year i've been havingthe LIFE I'VE BEEN HAVING, I guess it all just came to the surface today. Now I'm being sucked down this horrible dark spiral that I can't get out off. I stared at a bottle of pills for quite a while tonight. That's when the what ifs started playing in my head, which is never a good sign..

what if i take 10 pills?

what if i down the bottle?

how long would it take for someone to come find me?

It doesn't take a genius to know that once you start asking yourself those type of questions, something's wrong. I called the counseling center here...ha what a fucking joke that is. All appointments are booked until after break and they don't take walk-ins unless you have a fucking knife to your veins. Is that what it's gonna take? Me crumbling to the point where I want to be no more? Perhaps. I'm reaching out for someone's hand to pull me out of this spiral but I keep slipping through their fingers. So now I'm here. My only friend. My computer. And the really funny and ironic thing is I'm still only talking to myself.

I survived today...but just barely. Let's see how I do tomorrow.