I'm so glad that I'm going home in 3 days! I just gotta make it till Friday. I have a huge Bio of Sex exam tomorrow at 7:30 (yuck) a 10 short essay take home final for my Race & Ethnicity, and a 20 page research paper for my Family Health Problems class. I'm sleep deprived, not feeling well, and trying to stay in a positive state of mind. I feel as though the better I'm getting with myself, people around me are crumbling. My mind is trying to speak to them rationally but I often feel like I don't have a right to contribute advice considering what happened a couple weeks ago. And I guess you can say I'm giving advice to help them, yes, but also for my own selfish reasons because my heart aches for friendships, companionship...that type of stuff.
On the bright side, some broken friendships have been fixed and old friendships have been renewed. I don't want to speak too soon though because I know how quickly feelings can change. I'm just hoping for the best. This is really weird because I haven't been home in 5 months and a lot of changes has happened at home over that period of time. I'm just excited for a month long break without classes and homework and tests. And boy do I need a break.
Everything is beginning to fix itself, except...this pulsing thing in my chest and this squishy thing in my head. Always in some sort of conflict. I've let my brain run my life for a while and I wanna know what its like to follow my heart. My heart's been achy for a while now and I just wanna fix it. But is this "fix" gonna be temporary again or permanent this time? Last time I went with the temporary fix, it ended up making it worse, making it infected and constant pain. Time got rid of the infection and I learned to just deal with the sporadic tinges of pain. Now the same question presents itself to me again. I'm gonna go with the permanent solution. I just hope it isn't a knock off. I need the real deal. Maybe it'll work for my heart. We'll see.
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