My brain

I don't have a title for this blog. I just feel like writing a stream of consciousness because I'm feeling a wave a different emotions so here goes nothing:

I'm feeling very pissed jealous why isn't my phone ringing what the fuck is going on i hate him i hate her i hate them fuck everyone fuck myself fuck my life haven't been fucked in a while haven't been loved in a while why can't i still be with Delvin sighs all guys are assholes i just want to have a boyfriend i don't want to be lonely i want to have friends and true friends fuck fake friends or frienemies, gotta lot of those, just wants to do a master cleanse, a master cleanse of people in my life and start over, not diseased, skinny, back to when i was 14, it sucks not being popular anymore was my popularity in high school only because the guys wanted me? at least i was wanted at one time, now im disposable, no one remembers me, I GIVE SO FUCKIN MUCH, I BARE MY SOUL, AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. I hate the world, I hate being here, I wish my attempt was successful, I wonder how many people would have been there? Would they have cried or felt guilty, I wish somebody would feel fuckin guilty, i wish I didn't have to hear about other ppls petty bullshit, i wish i had compassion and wasn't cynical, i'm selfish but i deserve to be selfish, my life is hard, and fuck anybody who gives my life a comparison to someone who's homeless or bullshit, i just wanna poke everybody with the fucking syringes that i have to do everyday, i want to poke them and poke them til they bleed and bleed a river for all the blood and tears I'VE lost. I just wanna punch something, punch something til im fuckin exhausted, so i can melt into my bed and cry a sea of tears and then have my imaginary friend come and comfort me, maybe ill just dehydrate myself again so i can hallucinate a friend. I don't know how much i can deal with this alone FUCK HIM he's never there when I need him, Everyone else forgets me, She's fucking shady, surrounded by liars who will smile in your face and then stab you in the back Oh she's so fuckin pretty, Sometimes I catch myself staring at you and I'm in awe of your beauty FucK THAT bUllshti! she's so pretyt she's so pretty...fucking broken record, ugh why do i put myself through this, must be a glutton for punishment grrrr I hate myself lost all confidence drink more water drink more water dehydration equals skinny drink more water living in a hell whole just wanna stop got get back to being desirable by boys and friends again this is sad. I am pathetic. Have nothing else to say.